I don't ask much of life. Really. I'm perfectly happy if I have a clean litter box, full food dish and Big Stupid is out on the front porch on her chain.
When the weather outside is delightful, I will admit to attempting a clean escape so I can jump the fence and terrorize the neighbor's children. But when it's frightful, as in "oh, yuk, it's winter," I much prefer to watch the world from the warm side of the glass.
Until recently, all was well. Then Cat, carrying out some ritual that only humans would do, covered my favorite windows with plastic – and then had the audacity to yell at me when I attempt to create a teeny, tiny hole to look through.
Of course, I pretended to be sorry. I gave her my best big-eyed look and even curled around her ankles. And all would be well if Big Stupid hadn't been put on patrol duty.
The dumb dog doesn't seem to understand that its pets versus people. We four-leggers have to stand united or before long, everything will be off limits – not only the table and the counter but the top of the refrigerator, that warm spot where the sun hits the kitchen floor and every other good place in the house.
A noise caught my attention yesterday and, with my natural curiosity a driving factor, I knew I simply had to find out what made it. That involved me jumping on the sill of a window I don't normally use – and oh, did that set Big Stupid off.
She rushed up and barked in that tattle-tale way of hers until Cat came to see what was the matter. Cat actually took my side for once, but Big Stupid won't take "leave her alone" for an answer. In her canine enthusiasm, she jumped right into my face and let off a big bark.
Well, that most certainly crosses the line of polite behavior. I let her know such actions were acceptable by a ladylike yowl and one slash of my claws toward her – I didn't even draw blood. But she's such a big baby, and so spoiled, that when she yelped, Cat came yelling.
And guess who's side Cat took?
Nope -- mine. But somehow Big Stupid got the best of the deal anyway. Yeah, I got to stay in the window where the sun was pouring in, but Big Stupid got all of Cat's pizza crust.
(Oh, BTW - if you received a Nook, Kindle or other e-reader for Christmas, remember Cat and her friends have tons of e-books out there. You'll love them all!)